Thursday, October 7, 2010

Peed on her face

If you've ever tried to pee on your lovers foot while they stand on one leg, the other in the air hovering over a toilet, while trying not to pee on anything else then you've probably spent some time in the ocean. Playing at Tahiti Beach on Elbow Cay, Chris and Anna both stepped on something sharp that left stinging brown bits in their feet. This is when Anna, with tears in the pockets of her eyes said, "Will you pee on me? And I look her in the eyes and in my best soap opera actor impression say, "Anna, I will pee on your foot." Sometimes you need someone to pee on your foot.

Which is why I found it beautiful when I saw the old Colombian couple sitting in Starbucks enjoying something I heard described as "frapalicious," a drink more closely resembling a milkshake than coffee; and as they leaned over the small cafe table, the woman looked into the eyes of the man she loves as he popped pimples on his darling's face. I wondered if she ever said, "pis en mi pie mi amor" and surely he'd pee on her foot to relieve her pain. 

Or maybe it's less about love and more like the produce farmers in the Dominican Republic. The farmers harvest beautiful organic pineapples, avocados, carrots and cucumbers but rather than setup a small stand they take to the road. They drive around with megaphones, a PA system attached to the roof of their pickups, the back of which is loaded with produce and cruise up and down the streets of the town announcing, "Hermosa piña. Aguacate Delicious. Hortalizas frescas en la actualidad." In otherwords, we really need to sell some vegetables so please come buy some because they are delicious.  And though the natural result of growing vegetables is not to drive around like it's wartime, trying to spread propaganda. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do. And as I'm adding the period to that last sentence I think that sounds a lot like war even though it's not, it's just trying to unload some avocados and driving around blasting the streets with a loudspeaker is the best they've come up with.

In the case of the sea biscuit Anna stepped on it was war, when suddenly her foot came crashing through the water and the only way it had to defend itself was releasing hundreds of little brown painful spines into her foot. While my the chemical reaction of my urine neutralized the stinging it was the spines still in her foot that posed the threat of infection and required removal. I sat poking at her foot with a small sewing needle trying to remove the spines amused by the irony of digging out small needles with larger needles. When a Bahamian woman suggested we use hot water and baking soda, that if we did the spines would fall right out; I thought anything is better than digging holes in my girlfriend's foot. Ideas like this surprise you when they work, the ones that sound crazy, like driving around trying to sell vegetables over a PA system.

It was yesterday when I came across another way to get the pain out, a totally hot water and baking soda, yelling into a PA system to sell veggies kind of way. When Anna picked up her bag to throw it in the back of the car she swung it around and 1.5 liter of vodka she had in it punched her in the face. Tears started to drip down her cheeks and since it was raining outside I thought of her face as a windshield. When I said, "Usually vodka only knocks you out when you drink it." and she started to laugh and all the warm swelling she was feeling in her jaw diminished. And she said to me, "I love you because you make me laugh when I'm upset." and I realize I've just peed on her face. I start to think of all the times she's peed on me. All the times we've peed on each other and I wonder if this is what they mean when they say that love is chemical.


  1. What a twist...this goes beyond words with the meaning you have placed by the end of this post. And now I am thinking about all the times mi amor has done this for me. I never thought it out like that before, and it gives new meaning to the whole thing, it makes it phenomenal, the things we do, the amount, or length people go to show love rather than just say it. It is twofold, The realization that someone goes out of their way to do that for anyone, whether it is natural in character for them to do so or not makes me ineffably happy. There is profundity in simplicity...the simplicity of one little laugh, is suddenly profound no matter what preceded it, and it adds meaning to everything within its reach.

  2. Thanks Angela! Let's pee on everyone

  3. Ha ha! Yeah, I'll work on that daily. I may need help aiming. :)